Sophistication And Being A Gentleman
It’s the hardest thing in the world to act spontaneously on one’s impulses—and it’s the only really gentlemanly thing to do provided ones fit to do it. (emphasis mine) D.H. Lawrence
The man…is usually wholly without honor… it is simply impossible for such a man to lie like a gentleman. H.L. Mencken
He seemed only.. full of an almost pathological hatred of all learning, all human dignity, all beauty, all fine and noble things… Imagine a gentleman, and you have imagined everything that he was not. H.L. Mencken
He is never offensive; if he wishes to insult someone with his sarcasm—it is done so exquisitely that the insulted one seems offensive… If, sometimes, he chooses to make his voice tremble with intense feeling, it is done artistically, like a gentleman, and one gets the impression of great emotion hidden under a perfect self-control. (emphasis mine) Ayn Rand
To expand on Ayn Rand in her journals. She describes that when a gentleman/aristocrat speaks it seems as though he is expressing a deep well of powerful emotion through the veil of a mature, masterful self-control.
I think that this is the goal I have been striving to reach unconsciously. Its having a clear idea of thoughts and goals and aims. Its being simultaneously being aware of ones own emotions as well as the social reality that one is in. And while the two might conflict, if they were ever forced to meet, the professional, the mature adult, the sophisticated individual is aware of the conflict and the strife that will result if he bridges the gap between the two.
Because the gentleman sees a rich, varied and perilous social reality around him, when he enters it, he is prepared. Before he speaks, he has a clear idea of his aims and goals. He realizes the effect and reaction his words, actions and gestures will produce. If his actions produce blowback, he realizes in advance it will happen, is prepared and knowing in advance that he will have to face the consequences of his actions.
Therefore with the gentleman you do not see radicalism, extreme emotion, verbal fluttering and overflowing, wild emotion. You see poise, confidence, deference and respect given to the audience. The
eyes staring out at the world are deep and penetrating, taking in the world around him. The deep well of emotion is expressed with masterful self-control.
This awareness of the external reality connects with the gentleman’s inner reality. He does not encounter out of control emotions. He has faced and connected to his emotions. Many hours of reflection, introspection and inner searching have transformed the animal spirit within into a respected ally, confident and friend. Therefore his emotions are not anonymous controllers of his actions, they are understood, given respect and allowed to express themselves in a healthy manner. Random feelings don’t burst forth at unawares. Rising anger is detected and the gentleman either controls it or exits the stressful situation before he looses control and boils over. He is aware that tomorrow is an ever present reality, a real place that he will soon encounter. Therefore he lives the present moment of flux and passion with measure, self-control and patience.
Each of us faces a struggle between our inner and outer reality. Within ourselves we have our unique desires, wants, feelings, sensations. An inner world lives with energy, passion and self-immersion. The act of both literally and figuratively opening up ones eyes brings us into contact with an outer world at great odds with our inner self. We encounter different people, different people with different personalities. The outside world has a mind of its own, which does not take our wishes into account. Hopes and dreams at dissonance with rigid dictates of physics and social physics never reach fruition and die having never been fulfilled. The life experience might accurately be termed self meets world. This is a brutal, harsh and wonderful experience. But how do we balance our inner and outer selves?
The gentleman balances these two parts of himself by an awareness and respect of amazing proportions, to these inner and outer realities. By appreciating our emotions, we come to understand them. When our emotions take on meaning is when we allow them to influence our life. This happens when we take the time to digest how they work, what they are and how they affect us. Our emotions become intelligable when we realize how the world around us and our reactions to it, effect them. When we give deference to our emotions, instead of hindering us, they empower us. Emotional energy enriches our live and feeds interest, excitement and passion. The gentleman approaches his emotions with the humility of a student and the fascination of a lover. Therefore his emotions support him and give him the prism to see his life filled with intricacy, magic and complexity.
The gentleman also desires to understand the world outside of himself. He is not the be all and end all. The world around him is real, objective and concrete. It is vastly different than his inner world. The inner world is subjective, vague, rich, overpowering. The outer world has definite form, concrete rules of nature and domineering social conventions. He realizes that an untrammeled inner world unleashed on the world around him make him more akin to an animal escaped from the zoo than a man with a mind. The external world is an important, vital and a harsh teacher. The gentleman values this world. Therefore he endeavors to understand it; to understand its rules, forms, customs, edicate. The arbitrary or psychologically necessary social games people play are real and must be respected. But how does the gentleman connect his wild, untamed inner world with the harsh, detail oriented outer world?
With a “laiv rochav” a broad mind, it is possible to accept that ideas clash. That two realities can both be true yet at the same time their realms might overlap in a vicious no mans land. Ones freedom to say what he want comes into conflict with others right to self-defense, he screams fire in a crowded stadium. That these two ethical principles clash does not lessen their truthfulness, rather they are evidence of the vast, complex and real world given to us. Similarly, the gentleman respects both his inner wold and the external world surrounding him. Out of this respect he discerns that their respective spheres are separate and distinct. This mental framework brings up within him an acceptance of their dissonance. At the same time, the gentleman in appreciating and accepting the bifurcated nature of the world develops an blissful inner peace. The intricacies and conflicts of life don’t make life stressful, rather they make it fun, appetizing and never boring.
When the gentleman meets the moment. He does so with respect, humility and confidence. He understands both his inner and outer world, thus he harmonizes them. He is proud, unashamed and unafraid. Life beckons him with its opportunities and beauty. He is ready to live and appreciate every moment.